A Shaky Start

Most novices considered classes almost as bad as chores. Demanding Accepteds and Aes Sedai asked for the impossible and expected nothing less than perfection. At least the floors and pots were somewhat forgiving if there was a speck of imperfection. There was always the chance, however small, that the Mistress of Kitchens would overlook a yawn or a knuckling of the back when a novice needed even the smallest respite to breathe. But the Aes Sedai, they would overlook no such thing and Cerawyn could not help finding them among the most intimidating group of people she had even encountered in her life. She had once though the Women's Circle of her village to be a stern group, demanding and unforgiving, and yet by comparison, they looked like the most nurturing examples of women that could be found in the world, compared to the stone faced Aes Sedai.

And the Aes Sedai that stood before the group of Novice, half avoiding her gaze, half shifting their feet as though they wished to be in any other possible place, looked to be no less of a taskmistress than the Mistress of Novices herself. Perhaps that was exactly the reason she was teaching the class. That she would expect nothing less then their best and she would push than as hard as was acceptable to push novices. Cerawyn however was grateful for the work, for the challenge as it served a distraction from the events of the week. Events that despite her best attempts she tried to keep to herself, but it was not long before the novice quarters were abuzz with the news of Balin's arrival and a thousand theories as to the events of their meeting with Candance Sedai. Cerawyn still could not believe he was in Tar Valon, at the White Tower and training with the Gaidin being run from one side of the training Grounds to the other and then some, just to be near her. She was grateful and yet she could not allow his presence to distract her. She could not afford to let the Aes Sedai see any weakness, lest they decide she was not worth teaching.

Cerawyn found herself mouthing the word Fire over and over as the Aes Sedai said it, only stopping with a crimson blush rising in her cheeks when the Novice next to her noticed. A shiver ran up Cerawyn's spine and she glanced from the girl next to her down the row of the girls in white dresses to watch their mixed reactions. Some looked excited, some frightened, some uncertain and Cerawyn wasn't even sure she could put a word to how she was feeling. It did much for her nerves that she would only be working with the other novices. Though she was not frightened of the male novices, many of her fellow female novices were. And she did not think there would be much room for uncertainly or nerves in a class with Fire as the topic. The word safely stuck in Cerawyn's mind as well. That was the whole reason she insisted on staying even though Balin had offered such a tempting escape. I must conquer this class, I must make myself safe…. She pushed the thought away almost as quickly as it came. Thoughts of that nature crept up a lot of late. The smallest, most hidden doubts seemed to creep to the surface of her mind and she had to steel herself against them. She had to believe that she could become Aes Sedai, her future, her very life depended on her success in the eyes of the Aes Sedai. And if that path to success was lined with flame, then so be it.

Cerawyn listened as the Aes Sedai explained the dangers of Fire and truly of all the elements of the One Power. She could not help cringing when the Aes Sedai spoke of women who tried to channel without assistance. Wilders, she was told they were called. Cerawyn cringed again at the word, she was a Wilder. And the Aes Sedai only confirmed what she had been told before, without guidance she would die. The Aes Sedai said could not would, but the eventuality of death seemed too great to disregard simply by using a different first letter. She would die, and possibly take others with her. Cerawyn squared her shoulders and once again pushed away the unpleasant thoughts. She would not die at the White Tower. She would learn control and not only would she survive in Tar Valon, she would thrive, throwing herself fully into every moment of her studies if need be. If the Aes Sedai doubted her commitment to learning, they would soon see there was no need. She could not give this up, even for Balin and a happy, quiet life. The Light had other plans for her, and perhaps for them both.

When asked a pair of students gave answers to the question posed by the Aes Sedai. They were simple answers, a campfire and warming something up, but the truth of those answers could not really be debated. When the Aes Sedai's examples turned to a forge, Cerawyn had to force herself not to let her thoughts drift to so many days sitting on a stool in Balin's father's smithy, listening to the rhythmic beating of a hammer on iron, the hiss of water as the metal cooled, and the gentle crackling of flames in the fireplace, as well as the roar of flames in the forge, so hot that Balin had never let her closer than a handful of steps to it. He always looked out for her that way. At times it had frustrated her, the way he constantly wanted to protect her and keep her from harm, as though she would break into pieces or could not take care of herself. It had taken more than a few fights to reconcile herself to that being his way of car5ing for her. Cerawyn sighed softly as she dragged her thoughts back to the Fire lesson. She was not succeeding at all in keeping her focus on the class.

Cerawyn could not help being surprised when Cassandra Sedai explained to the novices that Fire could not only be used to warm and to burn things and to create light, but that Fire in its purest form could be used to put out a fire as well. It was difficult to wrap her mind around at first and Cerawyn guessed that she would have to actually see the weave done first to understand how such a thing could happen. She wondered if it was like smothering a flame with a blanket or something of that nature. And then Cerawyn tried to picture in her mind what the Aes Sedai was explaining about mixing Fire and Earth and being able to pierce through almost anything without warming it first. That seemed so unlikely, so impossible compared to all the days she spent in the forge watching Balin's Da heat metal before he could work with it. Skipping the heating entirely just seemed…. wrong. And how could something so harmful, so dangerous aid in healing> It was yet another mystery that Cerawyn could not begin to understand.

Cerawyn watched Cassandra Sedai embrace saidar, the glow forming around her so that each novice could easily see that she held the One Power in her grasp. Cerawyn was not surprised that she could see the flows of the One Power, different coloured strands that seemed to meld together one into the next into a rope of pure power. How the Aes Sedai began to separate Fire from the other elements was a bit more of a challenge for Cerawyn to see, but once she held Fire alone, Cerawyn could see the bright orange colour, it seemed to dance and wiggle before her very eyes, as though alive. She longed to reach out and touch it, to feel that near life in her hands, though she knew that would not be allowed, at least not yet.

Two thin flows of fire seemed to wind themselves around the piece of wood before the Aes Sedai, winding around each grain, each section, in and out and around. Compared to the first flow she had shown the Novices these seemed almost invisible. But she did say that a little went a long way and it made Cerawyn feel more at ease that the exercise would not require huge amounts of the One Power. In the back on her mind she reminded herself that Novices would not be allowed to work with large amount of the Power this early on anyway, but still she needed \proof of this to \feel settled. The weave looked simple, as though surrounding the wood with a net of Fire and yet nothing was ever as simply as first thought in the White Tower. Cerawyn moved to let others see, though nearly half the class was taller than she. Many were were eager to start, but Cerawyn remained cautious, she would not rush into this task, no matter how simple it looked.

She did not want to be first, but Cerawyn knew that she would have to take her turn before the lesson came to its conclusion, and so after watching a few novices have a turn before her, the first being so supremely successful that Cerawyn wondered if the girl was truly an Accepted in disguise with the smug smile she gave her fellow classmates, Cerawyn stepped forward to take her turn. She embraced saidar as she had many times before, each time the exact same way and on the same breath as every time before. It became a sort of rhythm that she could count on, even when the lesson itself still seemed quite foreign and difficult to her. The glow of saidar sprang up around her and she instantly smelled the scent of burning wood even more than she had before.

She pulled the a strand of Fire from the air in front of her, and she slowly began working it around the large chunk of wood. It was difficult to work with, the strand of Fire almost seemed slippery, as though the strand desired nothing more than to slip through her fingers. After what seemed an age, by the bored expressions and yawns of some of the other novices, Cerawyn pulled on the ends of the thread of Fire as the Aes Sedai had shown them and the slow smell of smouldering wood wafted into the air around them. After a few long moment, the barest flame appeared on one end of the wood and Cerawyn felt a rush of hope. A few of the other novices carefully hid grins and snickers at her feeble attempt at the lesson, and yet sweat beaded on Cerawyn's brow. Was this all that was to become of her first lesson? Could she be so weak in this part of the Power that she could not even burn a simple piece of wood.

“Aes Sedai, could I ask for a smaller piece to work with?” She glanced at the snickering novices and they blushed, ashamed for a moment in their behaviour. “I do not think I am having as much success as you would like me to have. Is there something I am doing incorrectly?”Cerawyn's request was met with a small frown, the Aes Sedai did not seem pleased, but Cerawyn did not let that put her off her task. She was grateful that the request had not been flatly denied on the spot, as it well could have been. The Aes Sedai cut a small piece off the wood with her knife and handed it to Cerawyn. “Again, child, and this time, you must concentrate.”

OOC: Sorry for the SUPER late post, Toma, I will write the second half of this post later on today. I felt it was fair for Cerawyn to struggle with this, as Fire is her weakest power. Let me know if this is not all right.