What Must Be Endured

Zerese surprised herself by feeling a little disappointed when she turned and found that Eleria had left the room. She had known that she and the Aes Sedai would not be spending much time together upon returning to the White Tower, not unless she was given to teaching some classes herself, and that was fine with her. Or, she had thought it was. Now she felt suddenly alone, thrust into a strange world of studying and chores that would last until… well, the Light alone knew when.

Candance led them through passageways that all looked alike, usually stark white, and decorated with the seven colours of the Ajahs when not. Eventually Zerese came to realize that they had entered an area that was roughly circular in design, with windows in the hallway all overlooking a plain garden lined with evergreen bushes. Zerese looked at that only once before dismissing it; it seemed a nice enough place to sit and read between classes, but it would take a long time before she got used to anything other than her lovely gardens back at home, most of which were evergreen as well—Saldaean winter was too long and too bitter for much else.

As Candance explained about the male and female novice wells, Zerese bobbed into a curtsey and said, “Yes, Candance Sedai,” at precisely the same moment Miranna did. In truth, Zerese did feel much the same as Miranna: Candance was a woman difficult to predict, one moment a kind teacher looking out for her students, the next a suggestion of quiet wrath if even a toe was put out of line in her presence. Well, Zerese had been expecting worse, so she supposed she should be grateful for the woman now leading them down the corridors. No, perhaps grateful was not the right word. At least she would not have to worry about being punished unduly.

Light, but what Zerese wouldn’t have given to live in that garden after seeing the room she was thrust into! Stark was the only way to describe it, unless one wished to use “cramped” instead. She could not decide which was more accurate. How many hundreds—or was it thousands?—of Novices had slept on that mattress to make it so thin and battered? She quickly realized that it was to the good that most of her clothes were no longer suitable for wearing, because the few pegs screwed precisely into the wall would be enough for a couple of changes of Novice white and perhaps one or two dresses more. Then again, what difference did that make? Would she ever wear anything other than white again? Yes, she abruptly realized—when she was raised to Accepted, she would add those bands of colour to her wardrobe, and then, when she attained the shawl, she would dress in as many bright colours as she pleased!

That had to be at the forefront of her mind, ever and always. She was here to become Aes Sedai, and nobody had ever said the life of an Aes Sedai was easy. Of course, nobody had ever precisely said it was not easy, either; she had just assumed that it was a life of magic and wonder, with sisters free to travel wherever they wished whenever they wished. But her mother, always the sensible woman, had always told her, “You don’t get ice peppers without first planting the seeds.” She was planting the seeds now. If she kept her goal in mind, she would make it through this. How did that old saying go? “What must be endured, can be.”

It was for that reason that, when Zerese stepped back into the corridor to face the Mistress of Novices, her face was smooth. Perhaps not quite as composed as she would have liked it to be—it wasn’t a spot on what an Aes Sedai could achieve without trying—but she had accepted her situation and knew that she would overcome it. Nothing and no one had ever stopped Zerese from reaching her goals. Three months of wandering around the Black Hills, not sure that she would ever get out again, had not dulled her sharpness by a hair. Well, maybe by a hair. But this cramped white cell was a palace compared to her accommodations over the past few months, and no amount of floor-scrubbing or bed-making would break her!

Zerese curtseyed smoothly to Candance as the woman spoke, accepting the conditions of her stay here with as much graciousness as a noble daughter ought to. A quick “Yes, Aes Sedai” acknowledged her understanding, and when the Mistress of Novices asked if she had any questions, the girl simply smiled eagerly. Not too eagerly, she hoped! “When do our classes begin, Candance Sedai?”

“Immediately,” the woman retorted quickly, her voice sharp like the crack of a whip. “It is late, and you will both have a chance to wash and rest from your travels, but tomorrow morning you will begin your embracing lessons.”

Zerese’s heart sank as the woman confirmed the hour. It was late, wasn’t it? Too late to join the Sunday festival. In fact, Zerese thought she heard people beginning to make their way back from the festivities now, Novices bubbling excitedly about the evening’s events, and a few shuffling along not-so-excitedly with their heads filled with thoughts of penances that must be paid for tonight’s misdeeds. Well, perhaps it was to the good that Zerese had missed that. Music always did do something strange to her. How often had she been dragged away by her mother for beginning the sa’sara at festivals?

Those thoughts had taken too long. Candance was glancing at the pair of them coldly for their lack of response. Colour rising in her cheeks, Zerese nearly fell into a curtsey. Miranna managed hers a bit more gracefully, though Zerese noted a good deal of sullenness in her, like she had just… given up. That saddened the Saldaean, but perhaps they could talk over it later. “Yes, Candance Sedai,” they said in unison.

Face smooth and unreadable, Candance nodded curtly. “I expect you both to sleep now. Remember: I can check on you at any time, girls.” And with that, she turned and glided down the corridor, back the way they had come. Novices returning from Sunday fell away and bobbed curtseys as she passed.

Zerese offered Miranna a smile both sympathetic and somewhat questioning. The girl seemed so defeated, but why? Oh, their situation seemed grim, but they would become Aes Sedai soon! Who could wish for a higher honour than that? Well, perhaps “soon” was to put too kind a spin on it, but what difference did a few years make when an Aes Sedai could live for hundreds?

No, Zerese would not bubble. She moved calmly back into her room, gently closing the door behind her… and hopped onto the bed in excitement. An action she instantly regretted: the thin mattress was no protection whatever from the wooden frame underneath. Biting off an oath that she quickly prayed Candance Sedai was not still close enough to hear, she climbed off the bed and began washing up from the chipped basin on the old washstand.

What must be endured, can be.