Clashing Wills

“Again, child.”

Medaea’s shoulders straightened imperceptibly. Again, child. It was the “child” that chafed against Medaea. As a woman grown and married for two years, she was little but a child. But for the past two weeks as they made progress up the river toward Tar Valon, Medaea had been subjected to such appellations and more from the Aes Sedai on a daily basis. “Child, fetch water for our tea.” “You shall have to assist with the dishes in the galley if you can’t be trusted to hold your tongue.” She had been keenly aware that upon entering the White Tower her rank and status as a noblewoman would mean little, but once Medaea had agreed to enter as an initiate, Sarifa Sedai’s attitude completely changed with her into one of all-knowing Aes Sedai and Novice.

The corner of her lips quirked into a quick smile before it was gone and her blue eyes studied the Aes Sedai a moment. “Whatever it is that you’re trying, Sarifa Sedai, it will not work for the hundredth time just as it didn’t work a ninety-nine times before. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Sarifa Sedai’s countenance darkened, her eyes flash with icy fire. “In the White Tower, such things—“

“Will not be tolerated, yes. You have spoken to me of the rules, Aes Sedai. But we are not in the White Tower, I am not yet a Novice, nor am I subject to you or these fruitless lessons. If you will excuse me, I shall take a turn about the deck and enjoy fresh air.” Medaea stood without any dismissal from Sarifa Sedai, satisfied that the woman’s mouth was working silently.

As the fresh breeze pulled at Medaea’s long tresses, the warm spring air refreshing after the stale confines of their room, she considered the woman who had discovered her. Sarifa Sedai’s face was smooth, a general indication of all Aes Sedai, but through small pieces found in conversation Medaea would guess that the woman had only been Aes Sedai for about ten years and she was a few years younger than even her father. Age does not provide wisdom, Medaea. Her father’s words, wise as they always were, rang in her memory. For two weeks, Sarifa had been attempting to have Medaea embrace saidar, but it was apparent after the first five lessons that Medaea had what Sarifa Sedai classified as a “block”.

The woman had been a mule—persistent and dogged to determine what the block was so that it could be broken. However, as each day progressed, it was the same. Imagine the rosebud, become the rosebud. Not once had she felt the light and warmth that the Aes Sedai had prattled on about.

“I do be good to see you walking about the deck, my Lady.” Medaea turned with a warm smile for the captain Saellie’s Dream. The Illianer man’s barrel chest puffed out at her look and he tugged sharply on the ends of his coat before brushing at the narrow beard running along his jawline. “The Aes Sedai do keep you too long belowdecks and the crew and myself do enjoy your lively company.”

“I fear that my time in the cabin is mostly due to the Aes Sedai’s sleeping habits, Captain.” Medaea said, a gentle hand resting on the railing, allowing for a minor frown to touch her lips. She felt a strange surge of power that always came right before she got something she wanted, the whole world just seemed brighter and the words that left her lips a bit smoother. The captain looked on her with a countenance less interested and more rapt. “Perhaps if I were to—“

In an instant that bright warm feeling was gone and Sarifa Sedai stood at her elbow, face thunderous. “Captain, you will excuse us.” The man’s rapt expression paled and Medaea watched with frustration as he nearly scampered away, bulky form moving so quickly. She was sure that he would—“I suppose that I know a portion of what blocks you now, and why you have been so unsuccessful with me. The weaves you were using on that man!” Medaea’s whole world nearly turned on its end as Sarifa Sedai took her arms and shook her fiercely. “When we break your block, you will forget whatever it is you learned before you came to the Tower, child! If any Sister knew even a tenth of the weave you were trying, they would consider stilling you!”

Enough was enough. Medaea wrenched her arm free of the womans’ grip and pinned her with an icy stare. “You will not put your hands on me in such a way again, Sarifa Sedai. You will explain to me what it is that I have done that is so atrocious and you will explain why. And then you will explain to me what you suspect of my block. And then I will determine what will be done. Not you.”

The Aes Sedai stared at her again, the emotions that had been rolling across her features now settled into a frozen mask. Only a corner of her lips turned up as she replied, “You may find that the White Tower won’t be to your liking, Medaea and that how you are treated now will be how you are treated there. If you are unable to accustom yourself now, you may find yourself running back home before your reach the Shawl, no matter your potential.”

Inclining her head, “How I react when I am a Novice compared to how I react as a noble of Mayene traveling to Tar Valon are beyond your concern. “

Sarifa Sedai looked at her a long moment, eyes unreadable and flat. “Very well. I believe your block is linked to your feelings of superiority over another. Based on the weave that I saw and despite your attitude with me now, I suspect you can’t channel unless you think they are weaker than you in will.” Medaea gave a minor nod but remained silent. “The weave you used…” Much of Sarifa’s anger faded from her eyes and she shook her head with a soft sight. “Compulsion is forbidden, Medaea and I spoke to you more out of fear for what might happen to you than anger. As a Blue, we learn a small, minor weave that, but this—what you have done, it is not right, and the Tower would birch you if you used it.”

Medaea felt herself relax to the Aes Sedai. A simple explanation rather than a demand would have gone so much further. “I understand, Sarifa Sedai.” She understood that it was one of those things that she could never openly use in front of another. Not if it meant getting caught.

The woman looked at her warily a moment before nodding. “I think that you do, finally.”

---

“Tar Valon, starboard side!”

The island of Tar Valon had loomed on the horizon for a full day before the ship coasted languidly into the port of South Harbor. What had gleamed from a distance to Medaea’s eyes now dazzled. Spires rose like spun glass among fancifully created buildings that were anything from crashing waves to animals laying on the ground. To have read about Tar Valon in her books in Mayene was to describe the sunset. With the sun cresting its zenith, the alabaster stone glimmered and dazzled with a radiance that took her breath away.

Leaning against the railing as the soft breeze caressed her skin, Medaea smiled with unashamed wonder and bemusement. She heard the soft slippered steps of the Aes Sedai approach and then the woman’s form lean with her. “It never ceases to amaze me.” Sarifa’s voice was soft. “I recall my first sighting of it with Dragonmount looming overhead and it seemed to rear out of its shadow defiantly. Even living in the White Tower and seeing the city every day, you never get used to it.”

“The Ogier created something wondrous, for certain.” Medaea concurred. The Aes Sedai glanced over at her, a brow raised in surprise and Medaea laughed. “My father always had grand plans for me—if I wasn’t going to become First of Mayene, it might have been Queen of Saldaea or High Lady of Tear,” Medaea swept a hand out to the city. “Or simply a Mayener Lady in Tar Valon.”

Sarifa Sedai turned fully to Medaea, her countenance serious. Since the discovery of Medaea’s block and their frank conversation, tension had been eased between them. Although not peers, the Aes Sedai no longer called Medaea ‘child’ and she provided much more information than she withheld.

“Medaea, we spoke once of this in anger, but let me counsel you once again. The White Tower will appreciate the independence and backbone you possess, but only once you’ve proven that you can be malleable and biddable. Novices are expected to do what they are told, when they are told without any explanation. Channeling saidar is dangerous and the Sisters will know the pitfalls for you to avoid.” Sarifa took in a deep breath. “It will not do for you to show too much spirit or independence too soon. Do you understand?”

Despite the rough start the two women had started on, Medaea felt a minor warmth for the woman. Giving a bare curve to her lips, she nodded. “I understand, Sarifa Sedai. I can become what is needed in order to earn what I want. And if they require a docile Novice who learns quickly and minds her tongue, then they shall have it.”

They watched as the ship was tied to the docks, men scurrying up and down the ship and ropes with agility even as a man brought their belongings to deck to transport. Standing at the docks amid the chaos was a woman in a red fringed shawl, countenance turned up to watch them as if discerning what was being said. Sarifa cast Medaea a slanted look and she laughed, “Light, I don’t think the Tower is ready for someone like you. I have a feeling that you’ll either end up at the top of whatever Ajah you choose or exiled out to a homestead in the Caralain Grass.”

Medaea flashed the woman a brilliant smile. “Then you know me very well, Sarifa Sedai.”

---

OOC:  Wooooh, look who is back and starting out as a Novice again, I can’t wait to wreak some good ol’ fashioned havoc once more!  bwahahahaha.  Give me one more post to get her in the Tower and then I’ll open it up for some sorry sap–I mean member to approach her.  =)