Strength to Strength

OOC – Thanks so much for understanding about my situation this past 2 weeks Meg, I'll try and get these done quick so you can wrap things up.

Cerawyn entered the classroom for what would be the first of many lessons using the element of Water. She paused in the doorway, the smallest part of her thinking that if she went away now, no one would realise she was there and she could simply hide her anxiety and nerves. It was cowardly and yet after the seeming failure of the last class, though she was given a pass, a smallest voice in her head wanted her to rum, fast and far, from what would likely be another failure. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, remembering more than a few nights when she sat up thinking of that failure over and over in her mind. How she arrived in Tar Valon thinking she made the right decision, that this was her destiny and yet, she was not succeeding, far from it.

As another Novice slid past her, she pulled herself from her reverie and squared her shoulders. There was a reason she was at the White Tower. Perhaps she had no strength, no ability in Fire, she could scarcely light a candle or burn a piece of the smallest kindling that could be found. But if this class was no better, perhaps the Aes Sedai would simply relinquish their hold on her. It was a distant dream, one she had dared not hope for, and yet if she had no ability, could be of no use, what choice would they have? It deeply troubled Cerawyn the way one day she felt at home in the Tower's twisting and turning halls and the next she'd give an arm gladly to be in Deven Ride again where everything made sense. Or at least it made sense before she left all the people she had known in her life behind. Now almost nothing made sense, except that she had to do everything in her power just to get through this class. I will find my way, Balin will come with me, together we will find it, with or without the Aes Sedai.

Leaving the small sanctuary that was the doorway, she joined the group of Novices. Long gone were the days when male Novices caused her to pause in her steps. Their white clothing was little different to her own, and though their methods of channelling were at times vastly different, Cerawyn could not help having a small fascination for how they used saidin to shape and move the world. The Aes Sedai spoke of circles, a long forgotten method of increasing the power of Aes Sedai. The idea of being part of one was exciting to Cerawyn, perhaps for Healing. She could not help wondering what great feats could be done. And water was part of Healing, she had learned that as well. This class had to go better.

“Many of you were in Cassandra Sedai’s lesson on Fire not long ago, right?” Cerawyn nodded to the Aes Sedai's question, though she still felt uncomfortable thinking of the class. Nothing had truly gone awry, and yet, she wanted to push it from her mind and move on to lessons she could complete, master, lesson that would determine her path to the shawl. “Can anyone think of some of the differences between Fire and Water? We know that they are opposites, but what are some of the subtler differences?” Cerawyn listened to the answer given by her fellow novices, though she did not offer one herself.

“Men are stronger in Fire and women are stronger in Water?” Was one answer, “Different Elements mean different Talents, and Air and Water are usually paired and Fire and Earth are usually paired.” Was the next. And Cerawyn listened carefully to each. She wondered which Talents she would be able to rule out given her weakness in Fire. “Fire and Earth are stronger than Air and Water, so men are stronger channellers than women,” Another novice said, and Cerawyn could feel herself shaking her head, even as the Aes Sedai gave her explanation. She did not believe men were always stronger than women. Each of the elements had its own particular strength. Some were more forceful, some more subtle. Each useful in its own special way. “Not true! One of my teachers said that Air and Water are just as strong, they just work more subtly. She said that there isn’t a single rock that won’t be worn down by wind and water over time, or a single fire that won’t be quenched by enough water.” Cerawyn nodded along with the second novice. That was an answer that she could agree with.

When the Aes Sedai spoke of strength and the ability to know weaves and manipulate them, somehow Cerawyn felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. Perhaps her weakness in strength would not be such a handicap as she had feared. But that brought her mind into conflict once more. Did she want to succeed or fail? Did she want to make her life in Tar Valon for as long as she could before sharing her gift with the world, or did she simply desire to return to Deven Ride and resume a life that she wasn't sure was enough for her now?She sighed softly, almost inaudibly, and was grateful when no one looked in her direction. There would be many nights ahead of restless sleep over those very questions.

Cerawyn shook her head and nodded as the Aes Sedai asked each question about the elements of the One Power and there presence in the room. On the question about Water she was among those that shook their head. She did not think there was any apparent source of Water in the room. But then she felt Yasmene Sedai channel and suddenly shrieks echoed through the room from the other Novices as rain began to fall on them, soaking their white dresses. Then in the space of a moment the rain stopped. Several Novices looked stunned others looked very confused and dismayed. Then just as Cerawyn was beginning to warm from their brief soaking, her dress seemed to dry out all on its own. She was shocked at first and then she wondered if the Asha'man in his black coat had something to do with it. The female novices would not be able to feel him channel, yet the male novices would, and the opposite for when Yasmene Sedai channelled. But it seemed to make more sense that the Asha'man had done something than the dresses had dried themselves.

Finally, it seemed the lesson would begin in earnest as Yasmene Sedai gathered all the Novices around her and she embraced the source. All the female novices could see her carefully creating a bowl made from threads of pure Water. Cerawyn could not help but be impressed with how methodically and precisely the Aes Sedai performed the weave, and ever so slowly, water began to collected in the woven bowl in the Aes Sedai's hands. Cerawyn was eager to try, though a small part of her feared that she would only meet the same sort of failure that she had experienced in the previous Fire lesson. But she was determined not to let that hold her back. It was not just her life now, not just her own future that she geld in her hands. There was now another person counti9ng on her to do everything in her power to make things good for them both. It was a scary proposition, that she had another person to answer to, though he'd never have a cross word with her whatever the results. Still, she would not let him down.

Returning to her seat as Yasmene Sedai instructed, she cupped her hands in front of her as the Aes Sedai had done. A few of the more bold novice tried to make the bowl without using their hands as a guide with varied results. But Cerawyn thought it best to be cautious first and cold later. She embraced the source and began her slow careful weaving of the bowl of pure Water. One thread at a time they were put into place and though the Water felt cool to her touch and somewhat slippery, she did not feel the same sort of strain working with it as she had with Fire. Perhaps she was stronger in Water, the thought that she might be good at something made Cerawyn smile quietly to herself.

Soon she found herself holding two handfuls of Water and not she would need to finish the ball. More careful weaving began, each thread placed carefully until it formed an almost cage that would hold the water in place. When Cerawyn felt satisfied with the second half of her ball, she let Water full that half as well. She still felt joyous that she was not as drained as she was in previous lessons. She felt more excited than she had since coming to Tar Valon and almost wanted to dance for joy when she dropped her first ball of water into the waiting pots. Returning to her seat, she made another, and another, each one a bit bigger than the last. She just had to know how big a ball she could make. The Aes Sedai said that every novice had strengths, and Cerawyn hoped that Water would be one of hers.